Hate & Love
It has been well over a week since my last post; I hope to be more frequent.
I’m struggling with believing the truth that God loves me. I know it as fact, but at times it is not easy to believe on the personal level. I’m really hoping for a job soon, though none of my applications seem to go further than an interview. I am terrified at the prospect of becoming homeless and losing my friends.
Instead of trusting in God, I have gave in to the desires of my flesh; I have tightened my grip to my idols. I hate it. I hate my sin. I hate my idols. I hate that feeling that His Spirit is miles away because of the deadness of sin. I want to be close to Him. I want to walk in repentance. I to deny myself for His glory. I want to love Him more and not live in this state where I find myself at times questioning His love.
Even so, there is always hope to hold on to. I have a temporary job this weekend that will allow me more time to look for a job. I pray that God will let me have a job; that I will not give up; that my idols be cast away; that I hold closely to His love and grace; and that I move forward in life and break away from this limbo. I thank God for my friends; I know that they pray for me. May God be glorified through my life, no matter what.
Jesus is all I have.
