Tears
After a full night of watching movies and other distractions and not being able to sleep, I finally came to realize why this insomnia has happened. God was allowing it so that my mental defenses would weaken and I would have to face reality. I really wanted to forget it all with alcohol last night, but instead, I distracted myself with movies. But when the movies are over and the sun has come up, reality closes in like a tidal wave. Accepting reality no longer seems like choice, it’s just there, crashing. I finally broke down and prayed, not with words, but sobs. I pleaded my case before God, and then wept over my many sins, and cried over the fact that God loves someone like me. And all these bitter tears became tears of joy. God loves me, this is what keeps me going and gives me hope, nothing else matters. Jesus is all I have. ”And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.“(Philippians 1.6)
