Conflict
As of right now, I just want to get wasted and forget everything. I despair life. It is hard to enjoy the small things when all the big things seem like their going in the wrong direction. It is so easy for me to forget that God loves me and despair. In hindsight, I do enjoy the small things, it just seems overcast by this onset of distress. And I feel foolish over all of this. I want to stay, I don’t want to move out of this city. I know that it is a possibility, but not for certain. I want to stay and be a missionary and bring the Gospel to the local people. I want to be in community with the people here. I want to make music that brings glory to God here with these people. I want to be a part of a movement of God here for a great revival of this area. But the biggest reason I want to stay, and the reason why I feel foolish about it, is a girl. I don’t want her to become an idol, so I have distanced myself and prayed many times over this because I am so conflicted over this. I wish life was simple, and that God would help me understand.
